If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
