You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
