Someone shit on the floor
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
