He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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