when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
