oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
