the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
