i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
