everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
