I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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