woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
