So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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