I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this hospital has no fireball
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
