I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
