we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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