I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
