shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
