I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
