Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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