Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
