she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
