Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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