Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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