lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
