threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
