giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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