I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
