Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
