Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
