I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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