If i come over, it means nothing
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
