Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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