i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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