I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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