i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
