I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm at about main and main street
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
