He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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