i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
