Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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