I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
