There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
