I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
