my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
