His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
