Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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