Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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