One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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