That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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