So drunk its hurt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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