She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
