I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
